A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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