Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize