last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
