Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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