His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
