I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
