I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
