just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
