So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
They are going to name an STD after you.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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