OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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