if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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