he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
