it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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