Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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