Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Randomize