I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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