I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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