talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
This toilet bowl is my home.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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