I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
