i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
