Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
