Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
