mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
