Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
