Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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