Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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