She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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