Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
