the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
