i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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