My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
