yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
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