I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
