i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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