You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
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