she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
