I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Randomize
