I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Randomize
