Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Randomize