Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
