He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
