I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
