sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
