I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
