Ambien. No doubt about it.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
