drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize