I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
just tell him i said nine months
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
vagina is talking i cant
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
