I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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