If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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