He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
