you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
