seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
