I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
zippers are such a cool invention
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
