go do what you do best...puke behind churches
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Randomize
