My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
It's official drugs can't kill me
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
