Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
