your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize