I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
