That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
