Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
