i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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