It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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