He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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