he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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