dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
