theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
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