Your mouth is God's brothel.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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