I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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