Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize