You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
i believe in u and ur pee
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
