i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
