I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
