True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
