In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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