If i come over, it means nothing
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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