Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
