Where is the hickey?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I lost the right to judge tonight
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
