the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Randomize
