So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
