i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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