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• (631): View more from New York

  dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.

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• (410): View more from Maryland

  Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.

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• (917): View more from New York City

  Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.

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• (315): View more from New York

  There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.

  (440): View more from Ohio

  its Wednesday...

  (315): View more from New York

  they're reeeeeally big trays

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• (502): View more from Kentucky

  Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?

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• (720): View more from Colorado

  Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.

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• (406): View more from Montana

  I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?

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• (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.

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• (917): View more from New York City

  I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?

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• (440): View more from Ohio

  So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.

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• (281): View more from Texas

  So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.

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• (251): View more from Alabama

  OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS

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• (613): View more from Ontario

  According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.

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