i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
