your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
