Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
