Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
