New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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