I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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