Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Btw I puked in your glovebox
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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