I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
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