Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Alive.
So much puke
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
