I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
