I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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