dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
