Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
