I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
