God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
