she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
